The Hockey Stick

Growing up in New York in the 1970s with a father who was a NYPD narcotics cop, a boy found solace in playing street hockey. How one lucky hockey shot changed a boy’s life.

 

The New York Islanders did what few teams have ever done in any sport. They won 4 Stanley Cups in a row and became known as “The Dynasty.” It’s 30 years later, and I can still name every player on the team from all 4 years. I attended the Championship parades and went to a fair share of games at The Nassau Coliseum those years. That’s how much they impacted children’s lives back then, especially mine. Those guys were Gods to us. The Islanders were founded in 1972 and almost instantly became the team to beat in the league. Al Arbour, Mike Bossy, Clark Gilles, Denis Potvin, Billy Smith, Bill Torrey and Bryan Trottier. They were all inducted to the NHL Hall of Fame and all were part of the 4 Championships won.

Canadians weren’t the only kids playing hockey

During those winning years, the game to play was hockey. Mind you, ice rinks were seasonal, didn’t matter anyway, we roller skated back in the day, not ice skated. No ice meant we played street hockey. And we had plenty of streets in New York, but we also had obstacles unlike any ice rink.

Urban Obstacles and The Birth of “The Do Over” Rule

We had cars, they were a constant headache, and always came down the street just when we are about to score a goal and all you would hear was “CAR!!!” and that was the universal word for “freeze.” If you didn’t, that was a gray area unto itself, there was the usual pushing and shoving with the back ‘n forth chant of “I did, you didn’t; I did, you didn’t” until someone who probably grew up to be a judge in life screamed “DO OVER.!!” By far the most overused two words in sports history for kids. Didn’t matter what sport. In street football, football hit an electrical or telephone wire overhead, Do Over. In Stick-ball a ball ricochets off a car mirror, That’s a Do Over. In Basketball, ball bounces off a crack, overgrown by weeds, on the court and skips out of bounds, that was a Do Over. If we only could apply “The Do Over” to adult life, how sweet it would be. Didn’t get a Christmas bonus, Do Over! Pulled over for speeding, Do Over!!

Growing up a cop’s kid

My father in the late ’70s was a Narcotics Detective Sergeant for the New York City Police Department. His job was to buy drugs and lock up drug dealers. My Dad and his crew of under-covers were the craziest, most ill-willed men I can ever remember meeting. Mostly guys who served tours in Vietnam and returned “a few cards short of a full deck.” Those were the guys that were most attracted to life as a Narc. They didn’t mind growing their hair long, looking scraggly with the beard and long sideburns. They didn’t mind wearing roach clips and miniature cocaine spoons around their necks adorned in 14k gold. This was the role they were playing and they were Academy Award winning actors. As mean as they looked on the outside, it was an exact mirror into their souls. These were some really bad ass cops. My Dad was the ringleader and they were all above the law.

The Drive

One Sunday, early in the morning, my Dad grabs me and my brother Jimmy and throws us in the back of the wood paneled, Chevy station wagon. I did mean “throw us,” he had little regard for children or their feelings. But we truly appreciated being his offspring as he at least aimed for the softer part of the back seat. So, we drive all the way out on Long island and we pull up to an Oldsmobile dealership. Mind you, my Dad listened to his AM radio and we knew better than interrupting him to ask where we were headed or what we were doing all the way out here in the middle of farm country on Long Island. As I was saying, we pull into this Oldsmobile dealership and it is packed with people. To a kid, there must have been at least 1 million people there. Well, you know, as an adult probably closer to a 150 people, but the million number played better with the other kids in the neighborhood when we got home to recount our adventure. Put me on the stand today, and I’ll still swear it was a million people.

The Realization

Being dwarfed by the crowd, I see something familiar. Is that an Islanders Jersey? I look around and realize a lot of people are wearing Islander’s hats and jerseys and chanting Islanders. What the hell is going on? I grab my brother by the arm and we start weaving thru the crowd, My father screamed to get back but we ignored him and pressed on. Finally the crowd parts as if Moses was parting The Red Sea and I see it, the orange, blue and white colors of my pride and joy, my team, the New York Islanders. And two really BIG guys on roller skates are wearing those jerseys with their backs to us. Doesn’t matter, I recognize them immediately from their numbers. Holy $%#&, It’s my two favorite players, Center Bryan Trottier and Right Wing Mike Bossy. OMFG!!! NO WAY!!!

Fuggetaboutit, I go nuts. Then I realize, they are shooting the puck hard at someone and it’s #31.

Wait a minute, #31 is…Holy $%#&, It’s Billy Smith, the Islander’s Goalie. My head on a swivel, I quickly scan the area looking for the rest of the team. No sign of anyone else. I look up and it’s my Dad, apparently he caught up or threw a few people to the ground. Either way, he was standing behind me and my brother and he was smiling ear to ear looking at me and my brother. Truly, one of the few times I can look back on my childhood and recall him smiling at us…so sad. Jimmy and I look at him in amazement, unable to talk, but he knows what we are thinking. What are they doing here and more importantly why are we here?

My Dad says, we won a raffle at that year’s Islander game and were each allowed one shot to try and score on Billy Smith with Trottier and Bossy as our wing men. OMG, I just died and went to hockey heaven. No one from the neighborhood is gonna believe this when I tell them. Unfortunately this was the days before people carried cameras everywhere.

Not a Chance!

There were a lot of kids apparently who also won chances to shoot because we waited a long time. It was a brutal wait, time stood still. I didn’t have “my stick” so what chance would I have. So quietly Jimmy and I watched. We watched the kids with names beginning with “A” shoot. Smith stops the puck without effort, the “Bs” go, he swats the puck away like it’s a fly in a wheelchair. The “Cs” and all the way up to the “P’s” shoot their shot. Failure! Not one kid scored on Billy Smith, to his utter delight. He always had a bad reputation in hockey, that day I found out why, he was a mean bastard. One kid got too close to the goal crease and Smith checked him to the pavement. A really Mean Bastard. The man with the bullhorn says, James and Thomas Reddy! Step up to the Blue line. Our turn…..GULP!!!

Bossy to Trottier To Reddy….SCORE!!!!!!

My Brother goes first and Smith stops his shot with his eyes shut deflating any hope of my success. My turn. With Bossy to my right and Trottier to my left, I come down the center passing between both players, Bossy slides the puck to me, a perfect pass right on the end of the blade, I shoot directly for the gap between his legs. It was a beauty, sailing about 18 inches off the ground and probably the hardest wrist shot I ever hit. Damn I got a chance. Just as it was about to sail beautifully between his legs, he slides his legs together and CLUNK, I miss. Damn!! But… it rebounds right back on to my stick, I flick my wrist again and the puck goes airborne, surprising Smith that I took the rebound and instantly sent it back at him, no one did that, and it goes over his stick hand into the top of the net. GOAL!!! Damn, That went in I’m thinking. The crowd erupts. I look at the referee and he hesitates and then signals, GOAL!! HOLY $#%&!!!! I DID IT!! Almost passing out from the excitement, Billy Smith kicking the goal post and his eyes fixed on the puck in the net, the day was complete.

What a day!
What a day!! Better than the day when I got to second base with Sally Potter. Well, maybe not, but it was close, I tell ya that. They rewarded my effort with a signed hockey stick from Mike Bossy and Bryan Trottier, Goalie Billy Smith wouldn’t sign it. Putz! I took that stick and showed everyone in the neighborhood, it was my proof of my story and couldn’t be refuted. I mounted the hockey stick on my bedroom wall with their autograph visible when i looked up from my bed. For weeks, I would dust it and wipe it down. Every morning when I got up, I would look at it first. When I got home from school, I would check to make sure nothing happened to it. It was my prized possession.

Legend is born
Now, I was a legend where I lived. Little kids asked for my autographs and my friends bought me egg creams at the soda shop. People pointed and whispered as I walked by. This was an event. Even the soda shopkeeper, “Old man Gus” would give me free candy, and he was the cheapest guy in town. It was so cool. Of course, I was now the first person picked when we chose sides for our street hockey games because everyone now knew me as “The kid who scored on Billy Smith.”

Kids will be Kids

About 6 months later, While playing a game of street hockey, my stick becomes a casualty of war. It breaks in half. Running home I find my Dad sitting in the kitchen cleaning his gun and tell him what happened to my stick, He says, “So”? I say in my nicest voice and pleading “Dad, I need a new stick.” He says “Ask Santa for one,” that was months away, Deflated I lower my head and retreat knowing I am out of luck. He says, “You have one hanging on the wall in your bedroom, use that one.” Really? “But, “Dad, that’s the stick I used to score the goal on Billy Smith.” His answer as he takes a rag down the barrel of the gun, “So.” Man of little words.

After a few days of watching everyone play but me, I went and got the stick telling myself I would be careful. All kids lie, especially to themselves. Some regrets never go away.

I loved that stick, I loved that time in my life. I loved The New York islanders. I never liked my Dad and he never liked me but I hate Billy Smith # 31, and always will.

The Difference Between Men and Women Can Be Seen at the Mall

Evolution is the reason men and women do tasks differently.

 

I was watching a re-run of the show “King of Queens” and in the show, Doug and Carrie, were at the mall shopping. They split up to accomplish individual tasks. Doug needed socks, so Doug made a beeline right to the store to get socks. Done! Carrie didn’t really go to the mall specifically for anything in particular and by the time they regrouped at the food court a few hours later, Doug had his pair of black socks and she had two armfuls of shopping bags. That got me wondering about the difference between men and women and how they handle a simple task as shopping so differently.

Doug the Hunter

Let’s look at Doug and as we look at Doug, let’s assume that he represents a LOT of men in general. He had a task and accomplished the task, mission accomplished. That is the “hunter” mindset. He hunted and killed his prey like a cat does when it brings back that bird and lays it at your feet proudly. Doug was that “hunter” mentality. He didn’t purchase anything else because “the hunter” had his prize. There were no other prizes to get today, that would be for another day.

Carrie the Gatherer

Now, we look at the wife, Carrie. She had no need at the mall, but she returned with many shopping bags. That is very interesting if you think about it because she emulated a “gatherer.” A person whose responsibility it was to gather things, like gathering berries off a bush or gathering water from a stream. Not knowing what will present itself, but she “gathers” objects as they present themselves. See what I am getting at. It’s all an example of evolution of the sexes over thousands of years. It is instinctual behavior and defines the roles of men and women going back 100s of generations; men are the hunters and women are the gatherers. That’s the natural order of things. Of course it isn’t a rule, because exceptions disprove rules and of course, there are people that transcend their evolutionary instincts and crossover.

The Hunter Hunted, The Gatherer Gathered…Missions accomplished

Doug came back with the one pair of socks because that’s all he set out to do. He didn’t “gather” anything else even though he spent a few hours perusing the mall as his wife shopped independently. That adventure took him to many stores and he didn’t “gather” anything. His wife, didn’t have anything to buy but bought everything. See, men and women are different by nature, not choice.

Can’t blame human nature

So the next time, you see a man wandering around endlessly in a mall looking confused. That is a hunter who wasn’t told what to hunt. Look upon him with sympathy as he is a lost man and needs empathy and compassion. If this is your husband, boyfriend or male friend, if you ever take them shopping, give them specific instructions to buy something and like your cat he will return with his catch and lay it proudly at your feet and you did him a huge service. And the next time, your wife comes back looking like she cleaned out the store, understand most of the things will be returned.

 

 

My Childhood Encounter With Poison Ivy

Don’t Scare a 10-Year-Old and Tell Him He Has Poison Anything!  I was 10 when I got poison Ivy and I thought I was going to die or get acne. Read about my vacation experience with The Itch that won’t quit and what we did to make it better.

 

I was 10 years old, and like every summer, we went on vacation to a place in the Catskill Mountains called the New York City Police Recreation Centre in Elka Park, New York. It was a vacation destination for the families of New York City Police Officers. It was a vacation resort with Bungalows and hotel rooms like any resort. Actually, it was a hotel at one time in its past and the City of New York purchased it for their Police Officers. I’m sure many didn’t know that this existed as it really wasn’t publicized.

Sundays at the Softball Field

A mile north of the main facilities was a ball field and on Sunday’s a casual softball game would be put together and the families would go and there would be a game and plenty of horsing around for the kids. Surrounding the ballfield were a wooded area with fauna and flora native to the Catskill mountains. Having only a knowledge of pavement and buildings, this setting was quite unfamiliar to me and the other children. Like most children at age 10, they are curious by nature and tend to wander off. We did wander off into the woods that day. After a few hours, we returned tired from an exhausting day.

The Itch

It started about a week later. And all of a sudden, I itched and then I itched some more. But my scratching the itch didn’t help, it just got red and nasty looking. So like any kid, I ran and told Mom. She looked and immediately said, “That’s poison ivy, don’t touch it.” I never heard the term but “poison” was definitely a word I knew and that scared me. I thought I was gonna die. My Mom was so calm. I wasn’t as calm cause my skin was turning red, I imagine the frantic itching didn’t help, but I remember small bumps all around the area and that definitely scared me. It scared me because there were a couple of acne faced older kids in the neighborhood and they had it bad and I thought, “Ah, so that’s how they got that acne, they have poison ivy of the face'” I immediately ran to the bathroom and closely examined my face. My mother came in and handed me gloves, they were golf gloves, and told me to wear them and not touch the area. I quickly agreed without hesitation. I didn’t want “pizza” face.

Calamine Lotion, my new best friend

The Police Recreation Centre had a nurse and the following morning; a night of no sleep because of the itch, we went to get me checked out. Sure enough my mom was right, Poison Ivy. The nurse rubbed this pink lotion on the area where it itched and it almost immediately stopped itching and I was relieved. I know now, it was Calamine lotion. I had to continue with the lotion for a week or so afterward and it was gone and I never got acne either. After that, my mom packed Calamine lotion with us when we went away, guess she learned that kids will be kids. I never had an encounter with Poison Ivy again because the City of New York sold the Police Recreation Centre and we never went back to the Catskill Mountains again. I would gladly endure another round of Poison Ivy for another week at the Police Camp. Those were the days!

 

 

Will We Be Immortals?

Will We Be Remembered when We Die?

 

Sometimes I think about immortality. People that have received the “gift that keeps on giving.” Most people that find “immortals” are people that did something heroic, were pioneers of their time, discovered something that benefited the world and in other cases harmed the world.

Good and Bad are immortalized

Some immortal people are the ones written in the Iliad, some written in the bible and some written in history books. Sometimes the actual writers got their own immortality telling the tales of other immortals. Wow, that’s interesting in itself. Immortality came to others because of atrocities committed like Hitler and Stalin. Genghis Khan is long remembered by all for his acts of cruelty. Christopher Columbus and Ponce de Leon both are immortals for their discovery. John Wayne Gacy and Jeffrey Dahmer will be immortals for their savage acts on innocents. The names go on and the categories from which they come stretch the span.

Will I be an immortal?

There are 310 million people in the United States and 6 billion people in the world. That is a lot of competition for what I would estimate only allows the absolute smallest percentage of inclusion into the club. Celebrities of course will certainly have a chance but I can’t see one of the 2014 top trending search names like Kim Kardashian or Justin Bieber achieve that immortality. They will soon be forgotten and only mentioned rarely as evidenced by a bad example by the me. Anna Nicole Smith. For awhile she occupied the papers after her death, but now, not a peep. We have all moved on. A better example is someone who reached the pinnacle of fame and we barely hear his name uttered or see it in the papers anymore, Michael Jackson, King of Pop. How long before no one remembers him?

Will we be remembered by anyone?

Sadly, but I don’t think so. Even if you continue your bloodline by having children, your family as well will soon forget you. When I say soon, I mean in less than 200 years you will be all but forgotten. I say this with conviction after doing some experimenting. The experiment can be conducted by you with anyone you like and I am almost certain that you will find the same result I did and have to come to the same sad conclusion.

The Experiment

First ask yourself and answer honestly.
Question #1: What are your maternal and paternal grandparents names and what did they do for a living?

• How did you do? I did well, I knew all four and their occupations. This is where you start eliminating people because you will be surprised by the amount of people who don’t know.

Question #2: What are the names of both your maternal and paternal great grandparents and what was their occupation?

• I did terrible, I didn’t know any. No names and no jobs.

I could go to the next question, but after trying this experiment on at least 20 people I didn’t meet anyone who knew all four great grandparents names, so I stopped there rather than continuing on with a question on great, great grandparents. It was rather depressing.

Conclusion

If we forget the very basics of what are great grandparents did for a living and not even know their names, I would have to conclude that they are not in our thoughts or memories. They are a shadow of thought. Someone, we can’t even put a name to a face, yet we all owe our very existence to them and none or few of us know who they were or how they survived. That’s sad but it is a reality. For even the lucky person that can remember such information on their ancestors, there will come a time when they too don’t know a name or details. When that happens, the “immortality” ends there.

Summary

We will die one day but will our memory last throughout time? Probably not. If we do something amazing or horrific, we will almost forever secure our place amongst the immortals. The internet will give us all a chance to achieve immortality. If you write articles or author books or a photographer, this will be your chance to achieve life everlasting. Your articles and pictures will survive in cyber world from the minute you post them and outlive you. They will be able to reach and touch generations to come. The sites like ancestry.com will help us all remain in the memories of our offspring but will we be remembered or just a jotter entry on a blotter or a twig on the tree of life. Most of us will be forgotten in 200 years but the fortunate few who invest some time will achieve immortality without having to reinvent the wheel or by doing some dastardly deed. Just some food for thought and you will decide if you will be immortal.

 

Have Aliens Already Visited Earth

 

Did They Find Earth as Inhabiting No Intelligent Life and Leave or Have We Been Enslaved?

 

Have we already been visited by aliens from outer space? People have been looking towards the stars for millenniums. They have all wondered if there was life in other galaxies. I have a theory that we have had extraterrestrial encounters and the visit was so boring to the aliens, they left in disgust never to return. I also believe that we are not originally from Earth, but seeded from another planet and are in essence aliens ourselves.

Crazy?

Sounds crazy, yes? Well, so did Christopher Columbus when he extolled that the world wasn’t flat. So was Copernicus when he said that the sun was the center of the universe. Copernicus had to wait to publish his theory on his death bed for fear of being declared a heretic and burned at the stake. I’m not waiting that long. This stuff is too juicy to wait. I am no expert in any field but like all I am allowed my theories.

 

Panspermia

The scientific theory that earth’s original life was spawned from the microbe organisms frozen in asteroids and meteors as published in Aliens Among Us, by Jeffrey Kluger in Time magazine in October 2012. For the first 500 million years of planet Earth, it was hit with an insane amount of interplanetary debris as evidenced by the craters of many well know sites on the planet. In that debris were extremophiles, defined by the National Science Foundation as an organism that thrives in extreme environments. These extremophiles stowed away frozen aboard the meteor would have been able to withstand the journey through the vacuum in outer-space, lack of oxygen and the extreme fluctuations in temperature. Upon impact with the earth and the heat from the explosion, they would have been instantly thawed out. Most scientists are concluding today that original life formed because of these extremophiles ability to survive the journey and were the “seed” of life on earth.NASA has fully subscribed to this “working definition” of life which was proposed by 12 members of a scientific panel including Dr. Gerald Joyce of the Scripps Research Institute enlisted by NASA to define life. This ground breaking theory implies that all life is related to these extremophiles on a molecular basis. Sounds freaky but it isn’t. Sit back and think, it is a very reasonable theory that answers the age old question, “Which came first the chicken or the egg.”

 

Tree of Life

Scientists are now starting the journey by using genomic sequencing data and statistical algorithms to prove Charles Darwin’s theory that all life shares a common ancestry. In other words, we are all offspring of these extremophiles. Man is at the very top of the Tree of Life and most likely one of the youngest species on the planet. Think of all the branches on a tree descending to a common trunk. At the very bottom of this trunk is one organism where all life manifested and at the top are Sapiens. These Phylogenetic trees of life illustrated by University of Southern California, Berkeley show the relationship that each species shares with the other, from the most advanced humans to the mitochondria. We are all related, like it or not.

 

Chimpanzees and Humans

Chimpanzees are our closest genetic evolutionary relative. 98% of our DNA is an identical match as reported by National Human Genome Research Institute (NHGRI), one of the National Institutes of Health (NIH). The genetic sequencing was done in part by Harvard University, Massachusetts Institute of Science, and the Washington University School of Medicine. The consortium that published the paper in September 2005 issue of Nature magazine was comprised of 67 researchers from around the world, chosen amongst the top experts in their fields of study. Now that the pedigree has been established that this study cannot be refuted, what are the implications and how does it relate to aliens visiting Earth. We are getting there, this is complicated stuff, so be patient.

 

Intelligence differences between Humans and Chimpanzees

The difference separating us from Chimpanzees is 2% of our DNA structure as reported by Live science But that 2% is a huge difference. The smartest chimpanzees on the planet can learn sign language, can interpret feelings and can use tools. All signs of intelligence. They are the human equivalent of a 3 year old child. Chimpanzees can match human toddlers at age 3 years old in spatial and numerical reasoning but fail miserably in social cognition tests according to a study done by the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Germany. So the smartest chimp on the planet is equivalent to a 3 year old human. That’s huge and will be used to form my alien theory.

 

Humans and Aliens..are we cousins?

Is E.T. our cousin? Is it logical to assume that if alien life did exist somewhere in our galaxy, The Milky Way, that life would have also been started according to the Panspermia theory. Could all life in all the cosmos derive from one common mitochondria. Suppose Aliens have a structural makeup like all known life. Suppose this DNA makeup was similar to the makeup characteristics shared by Chimpanzees and Humans. Suppose we were the Chimpanzees and the Aliens were the Humans in the DNA difference. So, we are alike by a difference of 2%. So, if an Alien life form, found us first, it is fair to assume, they were the most technologically advanced. See what I am getting at?

 

Possible Proof of alien visit

So, years ago, who knows how many, Aliens land on Earth and interact with humans. That would logically explain all the drawings of space ships in ancient civilizations such as the Inca’s, the Mayans, the Egyptians, and paintings hung in museums showing aliens and their spacecraft overhead. It would explain Easter Island and the statues. It would explain the Inca Nazca lines. Is this just fantasy? Man needs reference before being able to fantasize and effectively communicate these ideas. Mankind needs inspiration that is definitive and concrete before creating.

 

Aliens come and Aliens go

So, let’s assume those cave drawings and such are based on a meeting and aliens did visit. So, now, let’s try and recreate what the aliens would have experienced from their perspective. Did they find us engaging? Were we curious to them? Did we impress them? All of that is highly unlikely if we refer back to the DNA difference between Chimpanzees and man which diverged in it’s evolution almost 5 to 6 million years before. Took that long for mankind to develop that 2% chromosomal difference. So, if alien life found us first, it is a fair assumption they are superior intellectually. Using even a smaller difference of 1% difference in DNA and only a 3 million year head start on life. Our smartest 6 year old child would be the intellectual equivalent of the dumbest alien. Think about that. How long would the aliens be interested in that interaction? Could they learn anything at all from us? The answer to that is a resounding no. Just like an adult can’t learn from a 6 year old child. The alien would make a strong conclusion that we are not an intelligent life form and three things would happen. They would kill us, leave us or they would enslave us. They wouldn’t exterminate us. That can easily be refuted through logical assumption.

 

Aliens find us ignorant: Do they kill us, leave us or enslave us?

Leaving and not returning is the most likely answer but let’s explore mass extermination asHollywood has for years. Would E.T. kill us all? Doubt that. I theorize that question from our perspective. Suppose we land on a planet and find a planet full of apes? After testing them extensively, we find them to be our inferior and equivalent to a toddler. Do we have any reason to exterminate them? None at all, It would be more likely that we would use them for our advantage as mankind has done to oxen, horses, and everything else we find inferior to ourselves if we decided to stay. But the only reason we stay is if our own host planet had issues, otherwise there would be no need to colonize a planet considering there are 100s of billions and most likely this planet we discovered was too far to be of any practical use.

 

Are we slaves to aliens?

Would we know if we were? Highly doubt it. Do lions in a safari habitat know they are prisoners. Do dogs cognitively realize they are beholden to their owners. Do horses realize they are enslaved? In the movie, “Men in Black,” did the aliens living in the locker realize they were living in a locker in a bus terminal? Was it a surprise in the movie when we were living in what we thought to be a huge world but was really that “same bus locker.” See what I mean. We wouldn’t have a clue.

 

Think I’m crazy?

Reckon I probably am. But these are the things I think about. I do think about how the galaxy is expanding rather than contracting violating a basic law of physics as we can’t identify the force stretching our universe. I think about how a piece of paper can block a ray of light but millions of miles of space can’t do the same even though we now know about “dark matter.” I think about how our world, inside of 65 years, went from living by candlelight, in 1880 to destroying two cities with nuclear weapons in 1945. Where did that technology come from? If it was self-realized, why did it take so many centuries to discover it and where was the inspiration? Why did man fumble around in the dark for millenniums and all of a sudden become so smart to split an atom and harness the most powerful force in the universe. We must have had help. I think Aliens helped us. Not sure why, maybe so we destroy ourselves. Maybe we are in fact slaves to them developing technology, killing our own planet so they don’t harm their own planet. Just a theory and I hope it makes you think.

 

Bali Foot Spa in Las Vegas Chinatown

Foot Spas are on every block If you travel off the strip in certain areas of Las Vegas. These aren’t your garden variety seedy Asian massage parlors, you know the ones where the “ending is better than the beginning.” Maybe I’ll do a report on that some day but first y’all will have to put a little something in the Paypal account for bail. Ok, back to Foot heaven. Actually, I lie, Foot Spas are a very inaccurate term for what they really do for the hour long session(mind out of the gutter, please!). The Best one in Las Vegas is Bali Foot Spa.

 

Bali Foot Spa

• 5599 Spring Mountain Rd.
• Chinatown area of Las Vegas
• 3 miles west of the Strip
• (702) 456-003
• No Appointment needed
• 10am-Midnight 7 days a week
• Facebook

The Big Entrance to Bali Foot Spa

 

You walk in to find a very nice reception area and you are greeted by a man. He asks how long you want. I chose an hour, it was $20, plus tip at the end. Imagine that $20, for an hour long massage. It gets better. You are escorted to a room, sometimes communal, sometimes private. Doesn’t matter cause your clothes stay on the whole time, only thing that comes off is the socks and shoes. So you sit in a dimly lit room, mine was private and you take off your socks and shoes. The “massage table” is more like a recliner chair that stretches out, something I never saw before. Talk about that later.

 

The Massage

So in comes a little Asian girl and she sets down a bucket of war, it is lined with a bag for sanitary reasons and it is filled with very warm water and they put in herbal tea. Boom, you put your feet in and OMG, its amazing. Soothing new age music, the dim lights, all put you in an instant state of relaxation. So, my Bali Foot Spa “therapist” asks me, “Hard or Soft?” as she walks behind me. Now this girl was maybe 4’11” and 95 lbs so I said, (ok, everyone out-loud at once) “hard please.” So she starts kneading my shoulders and neck for the next ten minutes like I killed her dog. OMG, this girl was so strong it was scary, had she not asked, I would have asked her to lighten up but when I said “hard please” I did my best John Wayne manly impression so there was no turning back.

 

Rub my head for luck

She finishes my shoulders and my neck area and then starts on a ten minute scalp massage, softer, thank God, and I fall asleep. I don’t know what it is about a scalp massage but I can’t help but falling asleep. I woke up realizing that she stopped on the scalp and had my feet out of the bucket and was giving me the signature Bali Foot Spa foot massage that I thought only a wife could do. OMG!! She rolled up my pants legs to the knee and did my calves and ankles as well. Absolutely freaking amazing! Lost track of time and thinking she finished because she said stand up. I stood up and reached for my shoes. She said, “Not done, fix chair”. She hit this hidden button and the back of the chair went down flat, the leg cushion abutted the other side and it was a long bed. She then said, “lie on stomach and take off shirt”(that’s optional) but I wasn’t passing that up for a second, who am I to argue. No Way!! Off came the shirt.

 

The Money Shot

An Asian Foot Spa that Only Costs $20 Per Hour, No Gimmicks.

 

Fooled ya again..for the third time, please get your mind out of the gutter, it’s not one of those places. I laid down and for the next 20 minutes, she pounded me like I was a ball of dough. She kneaded me, punched me, karate chopped my back, rolled her elbows along both sides of my spine, then hopped up on the table and started walking on my back like she was on a surfboard riding the big wave in thatPatrick Swayze movie, Point Break. I thought I was at my point to break and wanted to know what our “Safeword” was. It was a roller coaster from pleasure to pain and back so fast I didn’t have the time to say “ow”.

 

Finished

Finally she was done and I was relieved and every muscle in my body was in a combined state of shock and bliss. I left her $10, kinda hard to leave a $4 tip just because it adds up to 20%, if you go, be a sport and tip $10, its worth $30 for the hour easily and they deserve it. You will be sore the next day but it is so worth it. When I find the time, I always head to Bali Foot Spa.

 

My Favorite Discontinued Foods

We Loved These Foods but that Didn’t Stop Them from Taking Them Away or the Way We Ordered Them.

 

There are just some things you never lose a taste for regardless if they are discontinued or not. I catch myself at times daydreaming about some of the foods that are no longer with us that I had growing up. I am sure you have the same mouth-watering times that pop into your head from out of nowhere. It was a mystery the day they disappeared. Like an alien spaceship just took them away to another Galaxy. How many times, eating cereal would I turn around the milk carton and expect to see a “missing poster” for the food. I will share some of mine that I miss and the impact their disappearance caused in my life. This is not a happy story, let me warn you now, please don’t read any further if you are squeamish and cry over memorabilia or nostalgia. Cause this isn’t pretty. To the brave ones who have stayed, we salute you.

 

PBMax Candy Bar

The Mars family decided to discontinue this wonderful candy bar in the early ’90s cause they disliked peanut butter. Now what normal person doesn’t like that, C’mon now. It was a crunchy whole grain cookie stacked with oats and peanut butter and than enrobed in a medium layer of real milk chocolate. It was a huge seller grossing almost $50 million in sales.

 

Keebler Magic Middles

A delicious shortbread cookie with a dollop of fudge in the middle, they were awesome and if you put them in the microwave for 3 seconds per cookie, you had perfection. I used to take whip cream and put a little “hat” on each one and between the soft cookie and the hot fudge it was the most amazing cookie experience. Sometimes I even put colored sprinkles on. Discontinued in the late ’80s sometime, I will miss them forever. They torture me by keeping the picture with sold out on theWalmart website. Grrrrrr!!!!! Sometimes, I hate those elves.

 

French Toast Crunch–discontinued in the mid 1990s

One of my all time favorite cereals, French Toast Crunch was made by General Mills. The cereal resembled mini french toasts with cinnamon on top and maple syrup flavor baked right in. OMG, how good was that. I used to get the biggest spoon I could find, then spoon some cereal out of a dry bowl, then take some milk and pour it over the spoon and then CRUNCH, it was gone. I didn’t like it as much when the little pieces of french toast got soggy. There was a real secret to eating that cereal, a true technique. Probably one of the reasons, it got discontinued cause the next generation was clueless how to do it. No wonder this country is going down the tubes. Can’t even decipher a cereal.

 

Buitoni’s Instant Toaster Pizza-the microwave killed this product in the ’80s sometime.

These awesome, little discs of dough with an artificial pizza middle were so gross and disgusting, they were genius. You popped them out of the freezer and put them in the toaster. Probably one of the most dangerous food items ever invented. They would pop open in the toaster if you cooked them too long and all you would see is smoking coming out of the toaster cause of the lava cheese and sauce hitting the heating element warning everyone that fire was eminent. Every kid I knew so adored these hockey pucks filled with artificial cheese and “sauce,” there was never a house fire cause no one wanted to lose the Buitoni. They have been discontinued for 30 years and in 2011 people started a facebook page and a campaign to bring them back. Buitoni almost gave in a few times, but no dice yet. We shall persevere. 1,300 likes on facebook and I would owe you a favor if you could please like the page.

 

McDonald’s Super Size-Discontinued in 2004

I know it isn’t technically a food but that doesn’t mean I can’t count it and I don’t feel the pain of separation. Cause I certainly do. I never really had an issue with my weight since serving in the U.S. Air Force. So McDonald’s Supersize never impacted me and I think it is nonsense that some fat piggies had to spoil the party for the rest of us good little piggies. Mickey D’s says it was a simple menu simplification and was not pressure that forced the elimination because of the highly irresponsible Morgan Spurlock documentary, “Super Size Me,” eating 5,000 calorie a day for a month. What did the guy expect, a clear complexion and six-pack abs. C’mon now, that was a Draconian choice to eliminate the Super size option and I am boycotting Spurlock films for the rest of my skinny life.

 

So there you have it, the 5 most traumatic food discontinuations in my life. There’s more of them, I just ran out of Kleenex, probably discontinue those if I am not careful.

 

I Received My AARP Card in the Mail, Happy 50th Birthday

Is Turning 50 a Milestone and Does it Mean I Am Young or Old?

 

I turned the magical half century mark in January. I have been waiting for some cataclysmic sign of the event, but nothing so far. No asteroids, no flashes of light, no shooting stars, not even a drop of rain, but that last absence, I understand, it rarely rains in Las Vegas. My insurance company hasn’t made any adjustments in premiums. My utility companies didn’t surprise me with a “free month” in celebration. I did enjoy a free Grand Slam breakfast on my birthday at Denny’s and Dunkin Donuts gave me a free medium cup of coffee . Seems the only one who has noticed this milestone is me.

I lied

I said no one remembered, I lied, I got my AARP card. Now that was a giant kick in the ass, as it came just last week, not even close to my day of birth with this huge happy birthday wish and of course a letter describing all the benefits of memberships for only $16 annually. I would tell you the benefits but I really don’t recall them specifically or if I could even benefit from membership. I do remember my reaction. I believe the exact words had something to do with “kiss” and “sun doesn’t shine.” and their paperwork went into the garbage, but it got me thinking about milestones. Milestones are nothing but mile markers of life. We use them for everyday things and we use them to celebrate events. Life definitely has them scattered all over if we just look. Some are called checkups or intervals but they are milestones by definition.

 

We are surrounded by milestones.

• 3,000 mile oil changes.
• 6 month dentist and doctor visits.
• Annual mammography and testicular cancer checks.
• 24 month eye exam.
• DMV issuance of a learner’s permit to drive to a teen.
• Pass the road test.
• Selective Service registration.
• Can have a beer legally
• 100,000 mile of vehicle.
• 1 million page views for writers.
• Received my AARP card in the mail.
• Mile High Club.
• Annual wedding anniversary with decade markers.
• First social security check.

Life is a series of countdown milestones. Some are good and some are signs that something will be coming to an end. Think about a car’s 100,000 mile odometer milestone. The significance is value from investment. A barometer of whether the car was good to us or not. But, the other reminder is the car just isn’t young anymore and we know unexpected repair bills are around the corner. So, the milestone reminds us that things have changed and time to consider a replacement.

 

50^th Birthday Milestone Impact

So, 100k milestone for a vehicle, means start looking for a car. So, what does age 50 milestone mean to a person? Took me some time to figure that out but I think I know. I was talking to a friend I hadn’t seen in some time and remarked that I turned 50 years old. She said “Congrats” and then added, “It’s ok, you’re still young.” That hit a chord. I started thinking, Am I still young?

Life expectancy according to the U.S. Social Security Administration.

According to data compiled by the Social Security Administration:

• A man reaching age 65 today can expect to live, on average, until age 84.
• A woman turning age 65 today can expect to live, on average, until age 86.

And those are just averages. About one out of every four 65-year-old today will live past age 90, and one out of 10 will live past age 95.

 

Milestone Age 50, Am I still young or am I old?

The S.S.A. has given us some numbers to help us figure this out.. Some of will reach 85, some won’t, and a very select few will hit 90. 10% will make it to 95 making the century milestone very exclusive. According to Genealogy in time magazine, 1 in 6,000 people become a centenarian. That makes it simple to answer the question, Am I, at age 50, still young? The sad answer is, I am not.

 

My Golden Rule determining if a person is young or old.

If you can double your age, legitimately with the odds in your favor, you are young. When you can’t, you are old. Simple. A 42 year old man or woman can legitimately hit age 84, according to the Social Security Administration.. So, that person is young. A 50 year old male doubling his age, such as myself has a 1 in 6,000 chance of hitting age 100, not even close to good odds so that person is old. Sad but true, I am old. But, I still feel good, look good and enjoy my life. But sadly, I am no longer young.

 

What Makes Tea so Mystical?

Tea is the Panacea of Everything..If God Exists, Tea is the Beverage of Choice

 

Tea is the #1 beverage in the world. Tea has accompanied man through the centuries. The Chinese discovered Tea. The American Revolution was started because of the Boston Tea Party. The British Empire achieved great wealth from the East India Trading Company. Christopher Columbus discovered the Americas getting lost trying to find other continents to bring back spices and Tea. There are at least seven types of Tea: White, Green, Oolong, Black, Herbal, Rooibos, Mate. Lets toast to Tea.

 

MY Favorite Tea Quotes

• So I says “My dear if you could give me a cup of tea to clear my muddle of a head I should better understand your affairs.” And we had the tea and the affairs too…. ~Charles Dickens, “Mrs. Lirriper’s Legacy.”

 

• “She had that brand of pragmatism that would find her the first brewing tea after Armageddon.” ~Clive Barker, “Weaveworld.”

 

Tea has many uses

• Tea to warm the body.
• Tea used to combat illness.
• Tea for ritual and tradition.
• Tea used to celebrate family gatherings and weddings.
• Tea was used by priests to stay awake when meditating.
• Tea caused the American Revolution.
• Tea made The British Empire rich and powerful.
• Tea was used by the Chinese as a religious offering.

 

What makes Tea mystical

• Just add water.
• Relaxes the mind
• Stimulates the mind
• Tea wakes you up.
• Tea puts you to sleep.
• Tea quenches your thirst.
• Loved by all ages.
• Soak your body in it.
• Tea takes the blues away.
• Tea is your friend on a rainy day .

 

You can change the taste

• Put milk in it.
• Put sugar in it.
• Put ice in it.
• Put liquor it it.
• Mix it with lemonade.
• Drink it hot or cold.

 

Tea is like a loving embrace

• It can be refreshing.
• It can be warm.
• It can be strong.
• It can be soothing.
• it can be sweet.

 

Tea crosses all boundaries of culture

• Some make you hallucinate.
• Some make you feel aristocratic especially with scones.
• Some people can even read your fortune.
• Snapple has a cool spokesperson.